OMS.

As the four of us lie down -- facing the sky, 

staring at this sea of stars, side-by-side,

wild thoughts running through my mind. 

Random, wild thoughts of ; everything.

Of what-ifs.

Of pretty clothes.

Of python regius.

Of happy things.

Of places to go.

Of Ben & Jerry's.

Of those douchebags.

Of non-human intelligence.

Of class projects.

Of silly yesterdays. 

Of today.

Of tomorrow.

Of Godin LGXT.

Of 19th October.

Of long highways.

Of Avril's  .

Of the silence.

Of you. 

Well fuck it. Mostly, of you.

And suddenly, 

still lying down -- facing the sky,

gazing at this sea of dimmed stars,

I realized that here, isn't really where I want to be.

So,

If you can't give me feelings with old-fashioned meanings, 

just stay in love with yourself. Pfft.

الأحلام

Bilamana bahasa ini cuma kau yang erti,

Bilamana lenggok ini cuma kau yang fasih,

Kau sama aku,

Ah, lucu.

Bilamana dunia tak paham apa apa,

Bilamana rasa ini kau juga punya,

Kau sama aku,

Ah, lucu.

Biar cuma kita tahu,

Biar cuma kita tahu --

Ameen.

Raya?

#1

Ibu kejut pukul 5.30 am. Sebal, tapi bangun jugak.

Pergi amik sate kat rumah makcik tu dgn muka busuk.

Curi curi main The Sims 3 kat bilik chu. Memang nice.

Takda org perasan sampai AG datang bawak remote, mintak dipasang Ceria.

Makan nasi minyak sementara tunggu turn nak mandi haha. Tak senonoh, I know.
Lepas mandi pakai baju kurung biasa biasa saja, masih belum perlu yang baru.

Lepastu sesi bermaaf-maafan. Tya tolak aku, aku tolak Tya, dua dua nervous. Awkward lah.
Dalam pukul 10 am ,orang dah start datang makan makan-borak borak tak ingat dunia. Aihh.
Macam biasa, raya raya camni lah mode anak dara tu datang (ehem secara dipaksa). 
Malam pulak, dah start masak masak untuk esok nya. Aku masak sendiri lontong. Damn, I'm good.

Duit raya? Heh. Orang makin kedekut, atau memang sembilan belas sudah dikira tak layak ya?

One word to describe my first day of  Raya -- EXHAUSTED.

#2

Pagi pagi buta dah dengar omelan ibu. Dia memang gelabah sikit, nenek aku chill je hehe.
Sebelum suara tu sampai kat pintu bilik ni, aku decide utk bangun sendiri haha.

Hari ni aku terus mandi lepastu pakai baju kurung putih. Rawrrr.
Tak sampai sejam, dah ada kesan kuah lontong. Erk. Mesti ibu bangga dengan aku.
Lepastu AG pulak buat tumpah kuah mihun sup. Erk. Mesti ibu bangga dengan kami.
Penat semalam tak habis lagi. Orang orang ni pulak, non-stop datang. Aku tensyen lah.
Assignments poetry belum sentuh langsung. Sorry Miss Sheena, aku dalam mood raya ni (?)

Dalam kesibukan hari raya tu, aku sempat jugak main The Sims 3. Habislah, dah addicted ni.
Hm aku masih skeptikal tentang had umur penerima duit raya. Aku dah tak layak ke? Demmit.

Tido awal sebab esok tu is someone's big day.  Excited.  Heeee.
One word to describe my second day of Raya -- MAKAN.

#3

You are engaged!

Congrats to my super-awesome-headbanger-uncle-cum-bestfriend and his own Kat Von Dee.

He's the coolest dude ever. I mean, dia yang kasi aku dengar my first Pink Floyd song when I was 10.  Word.

Congratulations to Mohd Faizal Yusri and her fiancee. (Belum kahwin lagi, tunang baru okay!)

Walaupun penat sangat driving all the way to Selangor, and drive all the way balik Kuantan semula, it was worth it.

Dia lah satu-satunya pak cik aku yang ada pun. Mau tak excited? Hehe 

CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN. 

One word to describe my third day of Raya -- KECOH.

#4

Anak dara tak senonoh ni bangun tido pun em dah nak masuk waktu Zuhr. Erk.

Well,  konon nya penat driving semalam kan. Satu family bangun lewat. Amek kau.

Harini takda org datang  rumah pun. Alhamdulillah. ( yes, penat lah layan orang datang rumah)

Dalam pukul 3 something, drive to Bulan's house. Too bad Lissy-boy tak dapat join.

Tu lah, lain kali sila lah buat plan last minute lagi ye Anith Adilah? Hmm.

Borak borak dengan cik Bulan, gelak gelak dengan family dia, lepastu makan KFC (?)

Pukul 6 macamtu, ibu dah  bising suruh balik. Aihh kacau betul.

One word to describe my fourth day of Raya -- FAEIZ.

#5

Pegi beraya rumah kawan ibu, makan spageti sedap.

Got myself a new satisfying haircut.

Got myself a new hideous haircut.

Got myself a new quaint haircut.

Got myself a new fugly haircut.

Got myself a new super short haircut.

Damn that stupid salon girl. Damn you.

One word to describe my fifth day of Raya -- TORN.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

There you go.

Selamat Hari Raya.

Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Have a rockin' one!

 ♥ ♥ ♥

Gwendolyn Brooks said, "We real cool".

Voices.

The voices in my head-- they're too loud.

        (Ellen P & M Cera / Lykke Li /Oasis / The Clash  / The Kooks / The Smith / The Strokes / The Stiff Dylans) 

الفاتحة

Hey dad.

I've always had this secret wish.

That someday, you might actually come back and look for me.

Maybe someday you would, I don't know,

come knocking at our door, and tell us how sorry you are, 

and maybe--well just maybe, you will try to make it up for us?

You have wasted fifteen years of your life, dad.

Fifteen years of yours and fifteen years of mine.

I wish you hadn't left in the first place.

I wish you hadn't bailed out on us, just like that.

I wish I could ask you, why?

I wish..

I wanted you to know that you, have punched quite a big hole in my heart.

I also wanted you to know that hey, it is your loss.

I wanted you to know that mom have raised us amazingly well.

I wanted you to know that she never quits, no matter how shitty life gets.

I wanted you to know that my mom is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

You had your chance with her, you blew it.

And you still owe me fifteen birthday wishes, you know.

You owe me fifteen years of my life that I will never get back.

You owe me hugs, kisses, lullabies.

You owe me my childhood.

You owe me a father.

For that, I hope you are sorry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

26082010 

12:37pm

I received a text from Ibu, right after I'm done with my test.

It says that you had passed away this morning.

Yeah, my biological father had passed away.

I barely remember your face. 

Yeah, it has been a while.

I felt this slight pang inside, my heart is filled with regrets.

I guess I can kiss my lifetime wish, goodbye now.

Yeah, he left, again.

And knowing my dad, I'm pretty sure he won't be coming back, yet again.

Al-Fatihah.