December 4, 2008

If.

if i die tonight,
would you shed tears for me?

Tell me.

if i need a shoulder to cry on,
would you lend me yours?

Situational Separation.

dearest spm,

i'm afraid our relationship has come to an end.the end where we must separate ways.believe me,i'ts hard for me to let u go.however,i promised myself not to cry.i'm a lot stronger than u think.i wanted to let u know that your apologies are accepted and i won't hold any grudge against u.well,i'm sorry too.it's been wonderful knowing u,hun. i will miss every bit of our relationship especially, the last 2 years.oh,how close we were to each other.hm,take good care of yourself,ya? i certainly will.so long now.goodbye and fuck u.



with hatred,
me.

November 21, 2008

Shall We?

come on now,
take my hand.
dance with me,
in the rain.
let's get wet,
let's get soaked,
let me put a smile on your face.

come on now,
take my hand.
sing with me,
sing out loud.
let's get noticed,
let us scream,
let me put a smile on your face.

go away,u monster!

ouh shit,shit,shit.
here it comes.
it's a nightmare.
horrible,horrible nightmare.
it sucks out every bit of joy in your soul.
and leaves u shivering with bitter and gloom.
ouh,hell no.
it's spm.

d for destructions,d for damned fools.

it's funny how we always complained on how the earth has been terribly polluted and the global warming and the melting of ice in the antartics and the infamous greenhouse effects without realising that it really is happening right now,just as u finish reading this.so please,do your part.stop being selfish and get started on making the earth a better place.no,i'm not asking u to re-plant trees or stop using vehicles at all.i'm just asking u too be considerate.do what u're capable of.recycle,for instance.start today,for a better tomorrow.

November 5, 2008

sorry,i love you.

June 07
i was flipping through a mag when a pic caught my eyes.there were 4 guys standing on the stairs of a wooden house.standing in front as this medium-sized guy with a long,straight hair and this very small pair of eyes.sepet,i would say.he looked so cute hen he smile and beside him was a guy ho is all specky and neat with this really clean-haircut,which i think looked more like a nerd.a cute one,though.behind him was this small guy with areally long curly hair which he tied back in small ponytail and tucked back under his cap.and lastly,this skinny guy who is slightly taller than the previous one.he has this wavy,messy,shoulder-length black hair
guess which particular guy had caught my attention? nope,not the nerdy.and nope,mot mr.sepet.it as the messy one.hell yea,he had caught my attention and from that precise moment i knew that he's the one.
i've been telling my friends about him and their reactions were negative.ahhh,they know nothing.sure,he's average.but there's something about this guy that attracts me.thank god for shad.she's the one who actually listens and supports me no matter what.i'm just gonna have to put in more efforts.




July 07
after all those hard works,i managed to get some info on him.his name,his passion,his likings,etc.now i know that he's actually from kedah,but he stays in KL for work purpose.and lucky for me,kedah is my hometown.ahah! he also plays guitar in some band,isn't it great? turns out that he's already a friend on ms.so i add him as my ym contact.and my oh my,he accepted! just the perfect birthday gift for me.oh,and guess what? his birthday falls on this month too! what a coincidence.



*happy birthday,sunshine*


August 07
he have this unique nickname that other peeps used to call him.shortly ater knowing that,i started calling my baby brother with his name.that's just how obsessed am i.one day,i was just doing nothing,so i decided to view his profile.i viewed his photos and then i saw it. a whole album that kills me.there was this lovey-dovey looking couple who were celebrating the guy's birthday.the girl as a complete unknown but the guy looked so familiar.then i realized:it was him.and the girl,was his gf.





September 07
'so what if he already have a gf?'.

that's what i keep telling myself.it just doesn't seem to work.i'm all broken-hearted and everytime i view his profile,there's always something about the girl.my friends didn't know that i'm seriously into him.and i didn't even bother telling them.
so,life goes on.



October 07
still adores him from afar.he don't even know me.such a pathetic admirer,am i?hm,school's having a break in two weeks time.i'm going back to kedah and i have never feel so excited going back there as this would be my first visit after a long 7 years.however,i just know that i had to go to kedah this year.i'm doing this for him.


November 07
here i am.standing on his motherland.somehow,i feel connected to him.eventhough i didn't get to see him.it's like he's here with,me.the feeling's just wonderful.i don't think any of u ever going to understand that particular feeling.i like it here.i like it so much.


December 07
for the first week of the month,i'm still in kedah.strolling around with my couz.and one evening i just feel like internet-ing so i signed in to my ym.to my surprise,he's on ym too! not wasting any time,i text him immediately.15 minutes passed by.however, no response.then i text again.still,no response.i was just about to give up and signed out of ym when he text me.i couldn't believe my eyes.he apologize and said that he as busy then but he's free now.so we chatted,and chatted until that lousy internet got jammed and unable to connect anymore.hmm,it was an unforgettable evening.a week later,i have to go back to kuantan to finish off some school stuff.so long,kedah.i'll be back.i promise.




January 08
it's a new year.millions of new tasks and overflowing to-do list.i'm taking accounts and economics for my SPM this year.a lot of things are going to change,but not the way i feel about him.


February 08
too busy catching up in class.

*happy valentine's day,sunshine*



March 08
nothing much.i miss kedah.i miss him,too.oh,i painted my room red.just the same as his.

April 08
he's becoming more familiar now.suddenly,everyone knows him.he has many fans now.as for me,i'll just keep it low.



May 08
i love making cut-outs and collages.there's photo of him everywhere:in my room,on my school desk.i'm in love with a guy i've never met.plus,he already have a gf.urgh.i'm nuts.



June 08
a lot is happening.too much to tell.let's conclude it and put it this way,i've finally met him.oh,how lovely! i've got his guitar pick and i'm the first girl who got to shake his hands.and ouh,we exchange birthday wishes too.amazing,huh? thank u SOOOOO much,God.i love u!



July 08
happy birthday,sunshine.u've turned 24 and i've turned 17.7 must be our lucky number,eh? :)

August 08
Happy Independence Day.i'm holding his pick while writing this.



September 08
it's the fasting month and at the same time,trial spm for 4 direct weeks.h-e-l-l. i wonder if he's fasting or not.his health condition is not that good

*sigh*



October 08
it's the eid.happy raya,sunshine! i can't go back to kedah for raya but i know u're going back so,drive carefully ya? sleep n rest well.the trial results are out.it sucks.



November 08

it's the so-called spm,baby! i'm done with 7 papers and 2 more to go in december.wish me luck.to my dearest:just wait for me.i promise i'll be right under your nose in just a few.hold on.